I reached a massive milestone this morning which I am super, super, crazy happy about. You guessed it - as of 22nd November 2014, I have lost 20 kilograms. Here's a few thoughts, lessons, realisations and bits of useless and occasionally useful information from the journey so far!
1. 20 Kilograms is a Very Large Amount of Weight.
Okay, so this is kind of blatantly obvious, but nevertheless it is a huge realisation. I honestly don't think it will ever sink in that there is now 20 whole kilograms less of me.
2. It's Embarrassing.
Since I lost 15 kilograms a few weeks ago now, I've been quietly thinking to myself how embarrassing this is. Obviously given point 1 and the fact 20 kilograms is a lot of weight to have lost, people are commenting that I look fitter/healthier/slimmer/skinny, etc. That's great, don't get me wrong, I love the encouragement, but it always brings the inevitable question 'So how much have you lost?' And, I'm actually so embarrassed to confess it's 20 kilos because that means that I am admitting to myself and the world that I had 20 kilos to lose - cue embarrassment!
3. It's Scary.
Following on from point 2, it is also terrifying that I once was 20 kilos heavier. It's funny, I've found that I seem to have subconsciously forgotten what it felt like to be that big. I'm terrified by the fact that I let things get so far out of hand and I'm terrified of the negative effect that my weight would have had on my health and my body.
4. Not Having to Buy the Largest Size on the Rack is Delightful.
In some ways shopping was easy when I could generally choose the largest size in the shop (a 16) or select it if I were internet shopping, but more so, that was somewhat humiliating and upsetting because the number one issue that has, is that if something doesn't fit, what then? Time and time again I found myself in love with a piece of clothing, I'd try on the XL or 16 and it wouldn't fit and I would be humiliated and upset that I then couldn't buy that. See now, whilst I have to try absolutely everything I ever want to buy on first because I've lost some dress sizes and changed body shape, it is absolutely delightful to only take a size 12 or 14. Ahhhhhh this alone makes everything (all that running) SOOOOO worth it!
5. The Scales Are Not Everything.
Perhaps this one is a wee bit contradictory given the title of this post, but over the past 6 months I've come to realise that the scales are not everything. In general, for the past 6 months I have consistently maintained the same eating habits and exercise habits. Knowing that, one assumes that weight loss each week would be fairly even but that has certainly not been the case. Some weeks I wouldn't lose a gram and then suddenly I'd lose a whole kilo. Reason? I was losing fat, and gaining muscle. Muscle weighs more than fat, so theoretically I was actually gaining weight. But! Those weeks where I lost nothing according to the scales were actually, in hindsight, the best because they were the weeks that my legs became more defined, or my arms less flabby. So in essence, I lost less, but to the naked eye, I looked fitter/healthier/slimmer, and that is more satisfying than seeing the numbers drop!
6. It's Annoying When Your Favourite Clothes Don't Fit Any More.
This is, without a doubt, my number one gripe about losing weight. I am a creature of habit. I have my favourite clothes and I pride myself on my ability to wear these favourite clothes at least 5 of 7 days of the week. See, those black shorts you always see me in, they're comfortable, they go with everything, they don't seem to get stains or marks on them (like 90% of other articles of clothing) and pretty much I just like them. A lot. But now I have issues because they fall down when I wear them, they bunch up when I put a belt on and they make me look baggy, daggy and silly. All in all, this is a most frustrating situation, especially so when one does not have spare time to get dressed in the morning before uni and you put on those trustworthy black shorts only to realise that unless you wish to parade about uni all day holding onto their waistband, you'll require a different pair of shorts. But, who thought of that particular scenario at 11pm the night before when the decided that they definitely only needed 15 minutes to get ready in the morning. Not me. Sadly.
7. Buying New Clothes is Fun.
I like shopping. I do however have a problem, because my whole family think I own too many clothes. However, following on from point 6, when none of those clothes you already own fit you anymore, of course you should/need to buy some more! And this my friends, the act of shopping, is extraordinarily fun (and also a great means to procrastinate uni exam study).
8. Buying New Clothes is Annoying.
I know, it appears that I am talking nonsense because point 7 and 8 contradict each other but let me explain. Okay, so I love shopping right, but I only seem to like shopping when I can purchase clothes that look cool, make make me feel like I am Beyonce and that I am conquering the world. I also find it preferable when the cash monies used to purchase said clothes, do not exit and deplete my own bank account. Additionally, I prefer to not pay for parking. These elements combined, equate to a bloody superb shopping trip. Few issues here though. One; losing weight changes your body shape meaning clothing and styles you previously liked/looked good do not always look good/you don't like anymore. This is most frustrating. Two; I am not Beyonce and therefore find it highly difficult to feel like I really am Beyonce conquering the world. Three; money does not grow on trees and my parents do not seem to share in my opinion that I require monies to purchase many new, nice clothing items. Four; parking is usually not free and this is annoying.
9. Having Knobbly Knees is Not Conducive to Comfortable Sleeping.
This is my second biggest gripe about being slimmer. I can no longer sleep in my preferred side on, spooning one, perhaps two pillows, with my legs bent in a right angle and crossed over because now I have less knee fat (which is apparently a thing) and when I do sleep like this, my knee bones dig into each other and this is uncomfortable. This complaint may seem trivial, however adopting a new sleeping position after 20 years is most annoying and very much trial and error (currently more error, and therefore early morning awake time, than success).
10. Chafing is the Devil.
At one point, I reached a disgustingly convenient size that chafing ceased to be an issue. I will freely confess that this period of time that my thighs were so flabby and close together to physically prevent movement and friction was highly convenient. Then, I started running, and my leg muscles decided to grace me with their presence. At first, this was most pleasing, however I soon came to realise that shrinking thighs permitted increasing movement and increasing friction. Also, thighs that are changing shape tend to, at the drop of a hat, stumble upon new friction points. The result? Well my friend* chafing re-entered my life (*note that chafing and I are actually arch nemesis' and greatly dislike each other). I will let you in on something. It is not fun to have chafing, especially when running because that is very painful and not advisable. It is also not fun to have no powder immediately available (although I soon remedied that situation).
11. Foot Fat is a Thing.
I've always have enormous feet which I sometimes like because it gives me a false sense of security that I have a good grip on the world and my life. At times inconvenient to source size 9/10/occasionally 11 shoes, I've simply come to accept my monster feet. In actual fact, I love shoes, and therefore own many pairs that I certainly do not require however feel happy about owning (and admiring in my wardrobe). But apparently I had foot fat 20 kilos ago and now I have the double issue of clothes AND shoes being too big. I'm 99.3% sure that my toes have not decreased in length which means foot fat is the only plausible explanation. Until recently I did not realise foot fat was a thing, however I've just copyrighted it because it is legit guys, and it is a pain in the heel.
12. Owning/Wearing/Buying/Wearing Bras is Extremely Complicated.
At one stage, when I was at my heaviest, I wore a size E bra. It's pretty commonly accepted that boobs are mostly fat, so I guess it makes sense that when you're carrying extra weight that you probably shouldn't be, you most likely have some on/in your boobs. I should also probably mention at this point that for reasons I absolutely cannot explain nor justify, I own literally 30 bras. I generally only wear maximum 5 of those bras, but still, I own 30. And, they're 98% DD/E. Fast-forward 6 months and minus 20 kilograms, I now seem to only have a humble C/D cup. But I still have 30 bras that are now far too big and only 2 bras that actually fit. I also have zero draw space now but it feels too wasteful to just throw out that too-big bra collection. Ahhhh the dilemmas.
13. Life and Movement is a Bajillion Times Easier.
Bajillion is a word I have just invented but it adequately sums up how much easier just living is now that I am minus 20 kilos of unneeded baggage. Picture it like I have unnecessarily been carrying around a 20 kilo pack all day, every day with me and you kind of get the picture. See, now that I have abandoned said useless pack, walking is easier, talking is easier, running, jumping, sleeping, sitting, thinking, knitting (jokes, I don't knit but if I did, I am sure it too would be easier) are all so much simpler and require sooooo much less energy. Pretty much life is easier, which is bloody brilliant. More energy for important things like cooking and enjoying myself! Expending less energy also means I need less sleep so I've actually gained an extra hour or so in my average day which is an added bonus!
14. It's Easy to Judge Others But You Should Always Remember Where You Were Once.
It's a really sad reality that obesity is extremely prevalent in society nowadays which means that when you are out and about, you will pretty much always see some big people. It's also really sad that a lot of people are quick to judge and quick to label. I'm guilty of this and it's a trait I absolutely hate in myself because I feel that of all people, I should be the last to judge. I have been heavily overweight and I know first hand how easy it is to stick your head in the sand and pretend that obesity isn't so. For me, it's really important to remember that I was there once and that judgemental thoughts and actions from others did absolutely nothing to help because change had to come from within. This is a thought I often hold onto when the instinct to pass judgement comes along. It's definitely something worth remembering.
15. Some People Are Really Strange About Weight.
I've found that there have generally been two different reactions to my weight loss; those people that acknowledge it out loud and congratulate you profusely very loudly usually in the presence of others upon which the entire vicinity will also join in congratulations (this feels bloody amazing and does wonders for the ego) and those people who give you the lingering look but say nothing. Now, I'm not trying to advocate a fan club for myself here, but I've been told that the ones that give you the look and say nothing do so because they fear that you might be embarrassed if they comment or might take offence. I personally find it so strange that people would worry that I'd take offence! Like man, if you'd ran a mile with me to earn those chocolate coated strawberries, you'd realise that honesty is a beautiful thing and that secretly, I find the encouraging comments incredibly motivating and helpful! It does wonders to hear from others that they think you look good!
16. I Have A Newfound Appreciation for Vegetables.
I had honestly forgotten what good vegetables taste like. Perhaps that's attributable to 4 years of boarding house goulash for dinner, a year of gap year travels where chocolate is a food group and then back to college institution food (that sometimes isn't identifiable as food). All in all, vegetables didn't rate very highly. But I soon came to the realisation that you can't really claim to eat healthy whole foods unless you eat vegetables so I was left with no choice but to try them again and can I just acknowledge how sad I am that I've deprived myself of such veggie goodness for the past 6 years?! Many regrets. Many.
17. Cooking Healthy Food is Fun.
Healthy people, in particular those with flair for cooking, are very clever. They have many gadgets that do fun things to food and they are very good at making things look (and taste) pretty damn delicious. These particular people are my inspiration. I feel like society has everybody believing that carrots and corn and cucumber are all very boring. Society is not commonly acquainted with a spiralizier. Society is also not creative. And, society does not seem to recognise that eating foods that literally represent the colours of the rainbow (try some tomato, carrot, corn, lettuce, avocado and red cabbage) is a pretty sure fire way to put a smile on a face. I mean, its the goddamn rainbow guys! (I may or may not have a lifelong love and fascination with the rainbow, but still!)
18. Social Media is an Absolute Godsend.
I love Instagram. Just ask some of my friends. I'm a proud Instafreak because I am in an Instalove-affair (p.s. you should follow me @young_rebecca). Out of the 400 odd 'friends' on Instagram, only two have voiced objections to my visual food blogging. 2/400 represents 0.5% of my total followers, so in order to continue pleasing the majority, I shall continue posting. You wanna know why? For me, posting pictures and hash tagging has connected me with so many like minded people and if that isn't something that motivates you to cook something fun and healthy every day, then I don't know what will! Plus, I like taking pictures and food combined with pictures inevitably leads to Instagram. I also like blogging, which, funnily enough, is why you are reading what you are reading right now. Social media, which is so often blamed for unhealthy ideals about body shape and type, can be, if used the right way, a huge motivation, outlet, inspiration and also a lot of fun. I attribute my increased presence on social media as one of the main reasons I have lost weight and kept it off.
19. It Does Not Matter How Slowly You Go So Long As You Do Not Stop.
Ahhhhh, everybody loves some Confucius. He seems to have a great talent for speaking the truth. I won't continue my analysis of ancient wisdom because I feel like point 19 speaks for itself.
20. It Is Never Too Late.
For literally 10 years I have been telling myself in various ways that I was going to be skinner, be fitter, eat healthier, love my body more, be happier, etc. And for 10 years, absolutely nothing changed. But one day the stars aligned and things suddenly clicked into place and now here we are. I honestly believe that it is never, ever too late to start something new, try something different, to chase after your dreams or to fulfil a goal. Some things are worth waiting for - losing 20 kilograms is certainly one of them for me!
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